So tonight some six months on, it’s hard to share the hidden side, but whilst being Cancer free, in the late side of the evening, having had a lovely day, it is difficult to recognise the hard reality of this recovery.
Whilst irrigation affords for the most part freedom and independence from a colostomy bag, the hard reality of a sudden discharge brings a feel of reality and realisation of my new set of circumstance.
I would not be truthful to myself if I did not share with you the inconvenience of having to suddenly get to the bathroom strip off and change a patch at a point in the evening where simply relaxing should be on the cards, but this is my new life now and acceptance is my trade off.
The truth is whilst my mind has accepted my situation, my inner partition allows 80% to accept and visualise a positive future focussing purely on recovery, whilst at the same time, I have an inner 20% to deal with, this presents all of the inconvenience of irrigating, for up to one and a half hours per day, with the insecurity of having an accident part way through the day and the ever present reminder of carrying supplies to allow me to deal with any arising situation going forward.
So whilst tonight I stand yet again in an unplanned visit to the shower and I cry for the difficulty of my daily routine, but my mind wanders to the 80% fact than I am a survivor, I am alive and I have so much to be thankful for, whilst others in my peer group are each fighting their own battle.
Cancer whilst taking so much away, brings so many lessons which would typically go unnoticed, were it not for this life changing challenge.
Learning that being positive is no longer an option, but the only option!