Farmer Travelling Post Cancer



Pre Holiday Checks
So with more personal care supplies than a new born baby, my first holiday outside of the U.K. post cancer began today. getting away from the farm has never been easy, generally it takes 2 weeks of planning and organising hastily remembering all of the things you are likely to forget. Couple this with anticipating how much feed your livestock are going to eat during your time away, a holiday is just what you need at the end of all of that.

Ration Packs

Now successfully irrigating has become part of my daily routine, so to has the dependence upon all of the equipment required to make this happen, for a week away I have 3 adhesive remover sprays, 3 barrier sprays 30 stoma patches and 10 bags in case my irrigation fails, I have 90 dry wipes a pack of wet wipes and enough black bags to dispose of my daily waste. I have my battery irrigation kit and a manual gravity feed bag in case this gets lost in transit.  

The Failed Drug Search
Never being one to avoid being the centre of attention, despite my medical letter, I failed the body frisk search at Birmingham International and was put into the body scanner having also failed at this, due to irregular images detected, I was asked if I would like to be taken to a private room where I could be swabbed for drug concealment, I didn’t understand the relevance of this question as the alternative were for me to take off my shirt showing my new arse which now comes out of my tummy to all the transitional passengers in the terminal, so I opted for the less intrusive use of the private room, it is a little like the No1 Lounge but smaller and no bar. Removing my belt and shirt and satisfying customs that my patch was actually for medical reasons rather than exporting drugs from the UK, I was released and thanked, though quite what for I’m unsure!

Sue was great waiting patiently with all the bags while a little man took me into a private room with a hand held device, he asked another man to help him as he was not familiar with swabbing a stoma, good job they satisfied their lines of enquiry without having to put the gloves on, as this would lead to further confusion as mine has now been sown up. Meanwhile a mother of 3 with a burker and a conspicuous guy with a hoodie and a twitch slipped through unnoticed while I provided their necessary distraction, I love our very British Security.
You Are A Liability
I do have medical insurance however this does not now cover me for anything which is cancer related, I could understand this if I were having chemotherapy, but now have to accept that getting insurance renewed will be more difficult and certainly more expensive than before.

Priority Access
I now have a toilet card which enables me to jump queues ahead of other desperate people, it states that I have a medical condition that requires me to push in, I haven’t used it yet but wonder if Sue might get more use of it at the NEC or concert venues where ladies toilets are in short supply, I also have a radar key which enables access to locked disabled toilets, I have yet to find any of these but sure it will be my saving grace at some point in the future.

Now all things being equal, I shouldn’t need the toilet for a number 2 for 24 hours from 5am this morning, there are however horror stories of your bag or patch inflating at altitude these are put to the back of my mind now we have reached 32000ft but Sue is sat on the opposite side of my stoma nearest the window just in case, while an elderly gentleman sips on a glass of Merlot unaware of his impending danger, but for me for now I’m on holiday and once again looking forward to a little winter sunshine.
Never underestimate the simple act of kindness, and the lessons this wonderful world can teach us.

This story is dedicated to Jo Bull, a commited stalker who reads all of my written content, replying with “Wayne & Sue Love you guys!” Which can be heard when shouted in any room or even from 2 fields away….

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